Monday Office Beatings

Just a quick post because I want to stay in the habit of posting, daily if possible, while managing to do all the other evening stuff I want or need to do. Work can and probably will upend this goal, but I’ll do my best!

If you follow my fledgling Twitter feed, you saw my note about Monday meetings being soul-sucking machinations of hell that need to be purged from the face of the earth. My fave rave are meetings to plan future meetings. Yes, those do happen. Driving home tonight I thought about the process of meetings in the corporate world and wondered how they came to such a horrible state. (A reason does exist for my renaming “meetings” to “beatings.”) Honestly, they must have had a valid use when they were instituted, so why are so many of them such brutal wastes of time now? I blame two factors:
• Dead Weight Wally and his girlfriend Wilma
• Management fads created to sell lobotomizingly boring books

Dead Weight Wally and Wilma
You know who I’m talking about because you work with them, too. These are the people who never actually produce any work: just lots of emails and teleconferences pointing out the obvious actions that “someone” needs to perform, while avoiding said actions, which amazingly are in their job description; agreeing with anything senior management says, regardless of how stupid it is; and blustering about their current workload, which of course is on the path to “very promising” results. I nominate these people for getting shoved out the door first during the zombie apocalypse.

Management Fads
You know about these because they’ve infested every freaking industry known to man. From fast food chains to hospitals, middle managers are spoon fed heaping piles of tripe from the latest best seller. While I admit that the fast food folks might find a use for moving their cheese, the rest of us could really care less if George McGorge is a certified Wide 7 Alpha Blue Belt studying to upgrade his status to mauve. George and his compatriots like to schedule meetings and then monopolize the talk time so no one else can communicate. Some shred of useful information might pass from one level to the next, and we can’t have that! Don’t get me wrong, I’m well aware that some of these techniques are good and valid. Some of us are just tired of mucking through the Swamp of Ridiculous Expectations to get the gems we need to do our own work.

Obviously, other factors have dragged the once-noble meeting down the path of suckery, but those two are the ones that itch me at the moment. We may revisit this topic at a later date. In closing, I’ll just say this to the people who turn meetings into beatings: “You are two-legged pussbags from hell. Please shut up and motate off a cliff so the rest of us can actually work when we’re at work. Thank you.” ~H

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It’s Wednesday Again

The classifieds are done, the paper is off to press, and things have settled into the quiet afternoon that usually follows the hectic Wednesday send-off. The roast beef sandwich I had for lunch isn’t helping much with that whole staying awake thing, but the sleepies are actually kind of pleasant today. Even my forum lurking is caught up for the time being, so I’m spending a lot of time gazing out the window and pondering plotlines for The Book.

I’m in a bit of a quandary over said plot lines, actually. I’ve got reverse writer’s block. So many ideas, old and new, are crowding around that I’m not sure which to tie together and which to save for future projects. Too many story arcs can drag down an otherwise nifty whole, so careful consideration is required here.

The other thing I’m currently wooling around is method. Every writer has his or her own way of working and getting results. Mine used to be just starting with a sentence and seeing where my imagination wound up at the end of the session. While that made for entertaining school assignments, I’m leaning toward an outline setup this time. This leaning scares me because it may be a symptom of too many years of technical writing, but it does feel right. I’m going to go for it and see where it leads.

That’s all my pontificating for now. It’s 3:00 p.m., my Ork gets to go home soon, and more research awaits. I’ll update as the outline progresses. ~H

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Slow Afternoons Make Me QQ

I’m back! After my good computer decided to melt down (WTB new mobo and video card, PST), I lost the bookmark to this site and couldn’t remember my login info. That is why there haven’t been any new posts, not because I’m lazy. No, really! At any rate, I’m writing this from work, on a mac, using a mac browser, so it might look weird. If so I’ll fix it from home later.

Today is the day the paper comes out this week. It’s a day late thanks to the holiday, and every mouth-breathing mongoloid in a 50-mile radius has called to rasp at me about the paper not coming out. “Yes, I know, we’re a day behind so they could incorporate the 4th of July celebration into this week’s issue, sir. It will come out tonight. Yes, you can go back to french-kissing your tractor’s tailpipes until about 5:30. Thanks.” Ah, my public.

Aside from the mongoloids, publishing day is always a bit weird. The morning is a mad rush to get the classifieds finished, and then I get to fiddle around for five more hours wishing very much that I could play WoW at work. That would make for awesome instance runs. “AFK sec, customer.” Instead I read a lot of forum threads, gleaning information and giggling at other people’s drama. Not particularly productive, I know, but accomplishing anything solid is difficult when you get interrupted every five minutes. And because I keep getting interrupted, here is a list of random thoughts.

* My ork gets off work in two hours. Yay!
* I’ve had caffeine today, but I still desperately want a Coke. I’m such a junkie. ><
* It’s clouding up outside AGAIN.
* Having an orange cat charge at you squeaking loudly in greeting when you get home is a mood bootser.
* America needs to adopt the European work week.

Normally I’d have transitions between ideas, but not today. This post is disjointed, much like my brain, so you can know how Brian feels every time I talk to him. <3

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My Brain Itches

Have you ever had a fuzzy, vaguely unsettling sensation just inside your skull, the feeling that your brain is actually itching? I’ve been getting it a lot lately. It happens every time a clueless, happy little recent high-school graduate walks by. They remind me so much of me at 18 that it causes me pain in the brain pan. The pain is mostly envy. I remember what it was like to have everything open before me, so many tantalizing possibilities, so many dreams. Granted, most of my dreams were daffy (hello, Rob Halford is not going to marry a chick), but at the time all things were possible. I’m sure I exuded the same disgusting sense of “Woo!” then that these kids do now, and I’d like to thank all of the adults who refrained from slapping me. I finally understand what a difficult urge that is to keep in check.

At any rate, this is not a growing-older whine, or a where-did-the-time-go diatribe, or a why-am-I-not -rich-yet inquisition. It’s about that itchy brain sensation. Laying in bed a little while ago, I realized what that sensation really is. When I think about it, the image that comes to mind is myself, sitting here now, and another layer of me, the young, creative one, hovering around the edges. It’s like an animated crayon aura, ready to peel off at any time and live again. But what does it mean?

It has to do with the time of year. Summer has always held a deep connection for me. It was when I spent the most time thinking as a kid: playing, drawing, writing, listening to music, and just dreaming. The creative, nostalgic, greater part of my soul is very much tied to summer. As I drive home from work through honeysuckle scented air singing along with 80s songs on the radio, the crayon aura agitates, reminding me of what I am, and what I need to do. Finally, I hear it. The book is beginning. ~H

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We Are Open for Business

The business of verbal meandering, that is. This haven was created to combat my laziness when it comes to writing and inspire me to eventually do something meaningful with my brain, all while avoiding the ads and general sense of “ick” that hang over my previous blog site. Making positive changes is my theme for the year.

Though this first post is a bit short (and many may be), I wanted to start things off with good news. I am once again gainfully employed! The pay is, in technical terms, diddly squat, but it’s a new aspect of the newspaper business, and I think I’ll do very well in the position. I get to work with my friend, learn new stuff, and add yet another title to my resume. I really feel that I can do good things for these folks, so my overall reaction is anticipation and enthusiasm. We’ll see how it goes!

Back to the site, please be patient regarding the layout and such. I’m a compulsive tinkerer, so it will probably undergo a lot of morphing before I’m satisfied with it. Feel free to comment or suggest if something is difficult to see or navigate. More meandering tomorrow. ~H

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