Cats are consummate liars. They lie about absolutely everything. When they’re hurt, they pretend they aren’t. When they’re sick, they puke on the floor, then come stick their butts in your face to prove how healthy and vital they are. When they knock your favorite baking dish into the sink and shatter it, they use quantum teleportation and Schrödinger to disappear from the scene, even though you literally JUST SAW THE LITTLE ASSHOLE DO IT and he can’t possibly be standing there in the living room, 30 feet away.
As practiced liars, cats also hate anything and anyone who also lie. It’s why cats rarely get along with one another. Two liars cancel each other out, right? It’s like two positives turning into a negative, or vice versa. They can’t be caught with other liars, lest they accidentally let the truth slip. Imagine if everyone knew about how [REDACTED BY [REDACTED AT REQUEST OF REDACTED]] There’d be chaos!
That’s why when Oscar discovered the “Kitty News” kick toy (more of a “lick toy” for him actually; he’s not the brightest), he immediately began to wage his own disinformation campaign against it, mostly with his claws:
Speaking of misinformation; cats may be practiced liars, but they don’t even hold a candle to the worst offender: the Fox. No one should be listening to those self-serving, greedy little assholes.