Late in the afternoon, we were lounging around. For whatever reason, I decided I needed to get up and be a productive member of society for a moment. Being a productive member of society offends the dog. So much so that he collapsed on my feet and promptly expired.
When he expires like this, only CPR (Canine Punching and Running) or chicken treat sticks will revive him. Chicken treat sticks are basically canine smelling salts, but alas, I didn’t have any on hand. Instead, I had to loudly proclaim “OH NO, IT’S A DEAD DOG, OH NOOOO,” thus prompting his mother to burst into fake tears and gnashing of teeth. Once that had been done, I bellowed that it was time to resuscitate him and started thumping his chest in a non-Red-Cross-Approved revival technique.
The dog sprang back to life with an “URF!” and began bounding around the room, thanks to his newly revitalized cardiovascular system.
Sometimes you just have to marvel at the strange rituals we humans come up with.